koalaeko
September 11, 2026 at 7:18:29 PM
is this your first time here?:
sortof
what's your site?:
https://koalaeko.neocities.org/
oceanfront, i ended up reading through quite a bit of your journal after this and i really hope moving out gives you some of the space you’ve been yearning for :’) it’s kind of striking reading backwards because college/moving has been sitting on the horizon of so many of your entries for months, but this one made me understand a lot more of what that freedom actually means to you.
i’m sorry you’ve had to spend so much time second-guessing yourself in your own home. i obviously can’t know what is going on with your mom or put a name to it, but the actual situations you described sound exhausting esp when something seemingly ordinary turns into you having to defend an intention you never had in the first place. that kind of unpredictability would wear anyone down. and the part about tending to assume everything is your fault made me a little sad, because even from just reading your journal you seem very accustomed to examining yourself and wondering what you could have done differently.
ALSO the driving test 😭 you have literally been writing about wanting more practice since forever. failing a test you already said you weren’t ready for does not suddenly mean you were wrong about needing more time!! driving is a learned skill; of course recognizing a mistake at noon does not mean your body has magically corrected the habit by 3pm.
mostly though i’m just really rooting for you. i hope college isn’t some magical “everything is fixed now” expectation you have to put on yourself, but i do hope having your own space, meeting people outside of your family, and getting to decide what your days look like gives you room to figure out who you are when you aren’t constantly bracing for somebody else’s reaction.
there’s also something very sweet about this whole site having followed you from junior year to graduation and now almost all the way out the door. one day you’re going to be able to read these entries from somewhere that feels much more like your own life. only ONE more month!! please hang in there 😭 rooting for buddy oceanfront very hard from my little corner of the internet ♡
Replied on: November 6, 2026 at 6:16:36 AM
koalaeko, i wanted to say thank you so, so much for your message. i have holding onto and meaning to reply to this for far too long, but when i first read it, i began to cry, because i was so moved by it. thank you so, so much for your well wishes, it was something i really really really (and still do i suppose) needed to hear at the time, because i was not doing well and did not have many people to talk to, so i really really thank you for this. to be heard so deeply by a stranger on neocities was so flattering...im here now in college i have made it! i love it so much i love my uni and i am #free! thank you, thank you for thinking of me my friend...(〒﹏〒)
